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WEST SIDE STORY.
Jan. 19th, 2009 | 09:51 pm
location: Kristen's Heart <3
mood: 
tired
music: Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul
Fast run down of yesterday :)
- Yard Sale 8 AM to 2 PM at Kristen's House. Nice come out. :D (half of cruise is paid for)
- UNEXPECTED WesytSide Story Rehearsal... 2-3:30... YEAH RIGHT... ended at 5 PM!
- 7 PM at Andrews to hang out with him & Kristen
- 8 PM off to Nicole's House!! ( Nicole= ON CRACK) Had a lot of fun with everyone.
- Got Home ... DEAD TIRED... remembered I had 10:30 AM rehearsal at RPAC.
SO, here we go, this morning I woke up at 10 AM to my alarm. I called Kristen and got dressed ate breakfast and went to RPAC to find that not even ANA was there yet -_- UGH. I woke up that early for NOTHING because Kevin was running late - he got there at 11 AM - Him and I worked with Rosanna until 12 Noon. He took me to go eat lunch with him at Taco Bell _ he had never been there - HA! deprived Weston child. At Taco Bell it took a while to order, him not being familiar with the menu and all.Anyway, at 1 PM Ana calls m, " Where are you guys?" so we get back to RPAC and then we started working on the "Killer Killer Killer Scene" as I like to call it. Intense. Roxy came to RPAC to see it. She liked it. Umm, Rehearsal next Sunday at 2 PM. BOO.
I CANNOT WAIT to start rehearsaing with the orchestra :) YAY!!
I have History homework to do tomorrow! BOO!! :X! That means I'm doing to have to take my History book to RPAC. UGH!
I'm off to talk to Kristen. <3333333333333333333333333 she's so wonderful.
Monica.
I CANNOT WAIT to start rehearsaing with the orchestra :) YAY!!
I have History homework to do tomorrow! BOO!! :X! That means I'm doing to have to take my History book to RPAC. UGH!
I'm off to talk to Kristen. <3333333333333333333333333 she's so wonderful.
Monica.
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yard sale anyone?
Jan. 17th, 2009 | 09:48 pm
location: MY LAYER ;)
mood: 
blah
music: Always-Blink 182
When I woke up today it was SO cold.. it was HORRIBLE. I was at Kristen's house around 7:30 am for the RPAC VOICE TEAM YARD SALE :D
I was there until like 9:20 and then I had to go to school for Mini Band Camp.. :P then I went back.
Nothing to do tonight -_- Kristen's cousins from Boca are coming down. POOP.
I was there until like 9:20 and then I had to go to school for Mini Band Camp.. :P then I went back.
Nothing to do tonight -_- Kristen's cousins from Boca are coming down. POOP.
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Food stamps.
Jan. 16th, 2009 | 10:54 pm
location: My Room
mood: overwhelmed
music: I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
My mom the other day tells me "oh i sent an application for food stamps and medacaid for you and your dad" WOAH! what?!?! that was all that went through if you would of asked me a year ago.. if i would ever be eating off of food stamps.. i would of laughed, honestly.
I got my first C this year on my whole report card on my Chemistry Midterm. UGH Straight As and a C how retarded. It's been haunting me.
I'm sick of trying to "communicate" with Kelsey and Mariela. I cannot keep looking for acceptance I'll never have. I cannot believe I let it get to me so much, when at the end of the day all that matter is Kristen and I and our "love" for eachother. I hate saying things like that because it should not matter.
I need to find sponsers for my costumes and for the cruise for RPAC. I cannot wait until the upcoming Baby Faires I need money to pay for all this stuff.
I think I'm going to try to continue to update we will see how i do.
Monica.
I got my first C this year on my whole report card on my Chemistry Midterm. UGH Straight As and a C how retarded. It's been haunting me.
I'm sick of trying to "communicate" with Kelsey and Mariela. I cannot keep looking for acceptance I'll never have. I cannot believe I let it get to me so much, when at the end of the day all that matter is Kristen and I and our "love" for eachother. I hate saying things like that because it should not matter.
I need to find sponsers for my costumes and for the cruise for RPAC. I cannot wait until the upcoming Baby Faires I need money to pay for all this stuff.
I think I'm going to try to continue to update we will see how i do.
Monica.
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):
Oct. 28th, 2007 | 08:57 pm
kristen doesnt feel good.):
she said she wanted to run away that makes me sad
cause that means that she REALLY cant take it anymore
and she doesnt have a choice ):
i love her..
MOnica
she said she wanted to run away that makes me sad
cause that means that she REALLY cant take it anymore
and she doesnt have a choice ):
i love her..
MOnica
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(no subject)
Oct. 23rd, 2007 | 08:51 pm
location: Homee
mood: sighh
music: Nsync-Something like you(:
Today was okay I guess. To be honest I don't even remember what happened. Oh yeah umm in 1st period I was really awake because I went to sleep like at 2.I had all my stuff done for my project.. Last night I spent the night fixing up the poweerpoint a little more and I was fixing my research paper too.We ended up not presenting again.. Instead we had a speaker the trust counselor she's really cool she's jamaican umm.. Well she was talking about drugs and alcohol and stuff. So we watched 2 videos one of smoking and another on alcohol and they were pretty nastyy. Umm next class again she's going to be our speaker again. 3rd pretty fun actually but i left my global warming paper here at home soo I didn't get a grade for it.. And it sucks I was the only one thatdid it in class the day we watched the video.. Cus everybody else was going crazy cus we had a sub.. Ugh! Soo lunch was okay I guess I had pizza crust and a cookies n creamm bar ): I was pretty pissed at myself.. But lets not talk about that. 5th period I spent almost half of class running around the school getting release forms for all her even day students because she is going to show a rated R movie next class and she needs the parents permission and if they can't see it they get sent out of class that sucks.. Well anywayy umm the way homee was a litttle rough because I felt sick to my stomach all the way home and when I got homee I ate something and I went to sleeeeep... til 6:30. My pooor baby has been feeling bad for the last day or twoo and I feel soo bad because I haven't bene able to help her or be there for her. I miss her a lot though I really wanted to talk to her all day I knew I cudnt cus she had to sleeeeep. I hope she gets better soon.
monicaaa
monicaaa
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Posted using TxtLJ
Oct. 21st, 2007 | 10:45 pm
(Ughh I can't stop thinkin about that now I don't want sexual things to be the way that she thinks I'm showing her I lovee her. Ahhh I don't know what to do.)
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(no subject)
Oct. 21st, 2007 | 10:01 pm
location: Home
mood: 
confused
music: Michelle Branch- Everywhere
today was just a weird day my mom brother and i had the "help out more" talk and ugh!! my mom started talking about all this times after they got married that my dad went and left her for this girl that he used to be with when before they had been together. ughh and the reason she didnt leave him was because she wanted her children to grow up with a mom and dad there... and then what she said was true.. my dad doesnt have any family here so if thye got divorced he would literally kill himself one way or another.. in some apartment alone drinking himself to his death.. its really hard to hear that and i started crying really hard.. i didnt talk the whole time my brother told my mom that was dad was dumb and that so was she for saying some things that they say.. there was this one day that they were talking in the music room and my brother was in the bathroom and he heard them say that they wanted to die.. so my brother started bitching at her for saying that... they always say things like that and its not very comforting. kristen came over today.. and i felt rlly awesome.. and then she said something about the way she shows she loves me.. and i guess it kinda of made me feel bad.. i try so hard sometimes for her to i guess like notice mee idk what im trying to say but w.e it is now i feel weird. im eating mcdonalds im such a fatass. ugh.
Monica
Monica
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UGHHHHHHHHH!
Oct. 20th, 2007 | 08:32 pm
mood: 
cryingg
ugh back to crying. i want to leave this bullshit.
i dont want to do anything but be with her thats all.
i dont care about anything else.
my parents are dumb.
everything sucks.
shes the only real good thing.
Monica
i dont want to do anything but be with her thats all.
i dont care about anything else.
my parents are dumb.
everything sucks.
shes the only real good thing.
Monica
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hmmm (:
Oct. 18th, 2007 | 08:32 pm
location: Home
mood: 
pissed off
music: I've just seen a face- Jim Sturgess
i just got back fom voice team todayi had a pretty good day cosmetology was fun i got to do sarahs hair and then math i got a B on my test not bad it was a 5 question test and i gt one wrong because i was missing!! ONE LINE!! our of like 6 .. soo not bad (: and band was actually okay i played and i was enjoying myself. :D ummm i got home and i knocked out til 5 when kristen woke me up. i should ahve been doing my research paper and finishing the opwerpoint for the GROUP project that is due tomorrow in health but guess what i havent seen anyone doing anything soo far so UGH!..anyway today i ahd voice team from 6 to 730 .. i hate the dancing in that stupid "lean on me" song that we are doing. i couldnt stop looking at kristen all voice team (: her butt is nice.. and shes soo pretty i love her!! umm.. i wanted to kill her when she was holding kristinas hand and dancing UGH! MINE! i dont have much to say today..my mood went from okay to pissed off.. ummm i had a sub form subrageous it was good. thats all world. til tomorrow.
Monica
Monica
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PSATs today.
Oct. 17th, 2007 | 07:52 pm
location: Home
mood: 
okay for the most part(:
music: none.. WOAH .. ill fix that RIGHT NOW. (:
this morning i woke up late like at 6:50 i got out of bed but it didnt take long for me to get dressed brush my teeth get some water and go out the door s i was out by like 7:05? not that bad but anyway when my mom dropped me off at school she told me that i was going to have a happy day today and that everything hard in life is followed by something better than what you had before... so i guess it was nice to hear that. i got to 1st period for attendance and then went to my testing homeroom.. my teacher has like NO LIE or EXAGGERATION BAGS! under her eyes... and shes crazy too. ha but w.e. it wasn't that bad so we started the test and as usual its not very smart to get us to take a test that requires soo much thinking that early no one is up or has nearly enough energy for it.the test was okay it wasnt like impossible or super easy.. it was finee. i skipped alot of questions becaus ei just ugh! cudnt take that much thinking that early and the reading killed. anwyay we finished around like 11:00 and since my school is wackk!! they didnt start lunch until liek 12 and by the time both lunches finished it was like 1:20 then!.. i have 5th period which is english and we read a story and talked about random things and did individual silent reading.... which was awesome (: (the individual silent reading)
the day went by really fast so that was good. on the bus today i have those airhead extremes strips omg!! they aqre soo good! soo fattening but man!! they are good so i had that. it was pouring after school but thankg od i was already on the bus so i didnt get wet :D thank god because i get sick really fast. so anyway i got homee and i just like got in bed and slept til 6 when kristen called and woke me up and then i got dressed really fast but my hair up and i was out of the door..so yeah that means i got to spend time with kristen today(: i love her<33 umm.. we also got to talk a little bit like in person which means the world to me... one fo m favorite things to do like when we talk and i remember how much we have in common and how shes still my bestfriend and not only my girlfriend... thats one thign that made this wednesday perfect. umm im home now and i finally paid the $10 for the TEAM fundraising. umm thats about it.. in a little bit my moms making steak (: YUMMY!! i hope she makes french fries and freshly cooked white rice yummy!! shh!! dont remind me how fattening that is!! i already gave in for today i had a really good baconator or w.e. its called and it was really really good. so ill be better tomorrow.. tomorrow everything fod eating wise will go back to normal.. gotta lose weight! ha.
thats about it. im trying to relax i really am.. two thumbs up for me. (: oh kristen doesnt have a game on saturday anymore so maybe we can hang out I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE!! i think ill shower soon .. i ahve cosmetology tomorrow and its personal day so i will have pretty hair yay!! okay thast about it .
Monica
the day went by really fast so that was good. on the bus today i have those airhead extremes strips omg!! they aqre soo good! soo fattening but man!! they are good so i had that. it was pouring after school but thankg od i was already on the bus so i didnt get wet :D thank god because i get sick really fast. so anyway i got homee and i just like got in bed and slept til 6 when kristen called and woke me up and then i got dressed really fast but my hair up and i was out of the door..so yeah that means i got to spend time with kristen today(: i love her<33 umm.. we also got to talk a little bit like in person which means the world to me... one fo m favorite things to do like when we talk and i remember how much we have in common and how shes still my bestfriend and not only my girlfriend... thats one thign that made this wednesday perfect. umm im home now and i finally paid the $10 for the TEAM fundraising. umm thats about it.. in a little bit my moms making steak (: YUMMY!! i hope she makes french fries and freshly cooked white rice yummy!! shh!! dont remind me how fattening that is!! i already gave in for today i had a really good baconator or w.e. its called and it was really really good. so ill be better tomorrow.. tomorrow everything fod eating wise will go back to normal.. gotta lose weight! ha.
thats about it. im trying to relax i really am.. two thumbs up for me. (: oh kristen doesnt have a game on saturday anymore so maybe we can hang out I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE!! i think ill shower soon .. i ahve cosmetology tomorrow and its personal day so i will have pretty hair yay!! okay thast about it .
Monica
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Kristen.
Oct. 16th, 2007 | 09:22 pm
location: Home
mood: 
dorky
music: Snow-Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Kristen
what to say about her she is the most beautiful person i know.. personality wise and looks (;
she is soo talented and beautiful and sweet... i can promise you that its almost never a person comes across a friend soo precious.
i guess i got picked to be the luckyy person that gets to have her as an important part of my life.there are soo many things i love about her btu one thing that she always displays is her optimistic attitude that i usually put down (im sorry) because i always try to be ready fro the worst i guess and soemtimes i go to far.. but she never gives up on trying to convincee me that everything will be okay and she does a good job. cus by the time she finishes with me.. i know everything will be okay (: she does the cutest things that mean the world to me.. the simplest thing that she says makes me cry from joyy.. cus i cant believe how lucky i am to have someone like you baby!! shes makes me soo proud of her all the time.. so maybe its things that arent oo much of a big deal or w.e. but they make me soo proud of her.. liek when she does good on a test or gts any good grades in general which like all the time because she is amazingly smart! (: or whenever she plays trumpet even if its liek 2 notes.. whenever she performs .. i wudnt miss a performance of her BY CHOICE for nothign in the world!!!!!! one of my favorite things to do is see her perform cus she has amazing stage presence.. when the light hits her blue eyes..they sparkle soo pretty like crystal clear water .. even more amazing than they usually look.. her eyes.. are too die for literally i promise they are.. if soem one asked me what my favroite part of her was.. i would def.. be stuck between her eyes and that bright smile of hers that always makes me smile (: she is.. dotn even ahev the words to describe how much i think of her.. not just because im in lvoe with her.. but ive always thought she was amazing!! before i even knew her.. ahah.. tha trumpet playing.. BIG TURN ON! ha .. honestly. (:
anyway.. one thing that makes me love her soo much is how she never puts me down ever.. she always believes in me..a nd im a person that sometimes i doubt myself...she reassures me she gives me more confidence.. always telling me i look beautiful even i look like crap.. andi do honestly believe that she actually likes me for my personality in some wayy!! not juts because i have a big butt!.. or bcause im skinny and pretty like guys.. they suck!! shes just awesome.. shes too sweet for anyones good.. and like innocent.. and good .. she sliek the only person i know.. that doesnt do anythign bad.. and thats one of ym favorite things about her!!!!!! (: shes soo cool!!!! and get ready for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she loves music just as much as me.. even more probably!! and shes awesome at it.. one of the things that makes me SUPER proud of her.. is whenever she picks up a song in like 2 seconds on the piano.. thats hott man.. thats my type of girl! (: kristens my type of girl.. the only girl for me!! whenever she does that and everybody starts singing along to what she is playing i feel like screaming and hugging and kissing her from how proud i am of her!!!!!! and tell everbody that shes mine!!.. that.. tahst my baby!!>. the talented one!! there soo juch to say about her shes just awesomee.in general she is just soo perfect.. get ready this is dumb.. her hand.. every single line on her hand.. goes perfectly with her beautiful fingers and her hands are just soo perfect... i can seriously cry fform happinesss about how pretty they are andhow i love them.. and those are the hands i get to hold.. pathetic.. ha.taht topped every weird thign ive ever said i think.. so ill stop. (: the point is
Kristen I love you.
forever
&
ever.
what to say about her she is the most beautiful person i know.. personality wise and looks (;
she is soo talented and beautiful and sweet... i can promise you that its almost never a person comes across a friend soo precious.
i guess i got picked to be the luckyy person that gets to have her as an important part of my life.there are soo many things i love about her btu one thing that she always displays is her optimistic attitude that i usually put down (im sorry) because i always try to be ready fro the worst i guess and soemtimes i go to far.. but she never gives up on trying to convincee me that everything will be okay and she does a good job. cus by the time she finishes with me.. i know everything will be okay (: she does the cutest things that mean the world to me.. the simplest thing that she says makes me cry from joyy.. cus i cant believe how lucky i am to have someone like you baby!! shes makes me soo proud of her all the time.. so maybe its things that arent oo much of a big deal or w.e. but they make me soo proud of her.. liek when she does good on a test or gts any good grades in general which like all the time because she is amazingly smart! (: or whenever she plays trumpet even if its liek 2 notes.. whenever she performs .. i wudnt miss a performance of her BY CHOICE for nothign in the world!!!!!! one of my favorite things to do is see her perform cus she has amazing stage presence.. when the light hits her blue eyes..they sparkle soo pretty like crystal clear water .. even more amazing than they usually look.. her eyes.. are too die for literally i promise they are.. if soem one asked me what my favroite part of her was.. i would def.. be stuck between her eyes and that bright smile of hers that always makes me smile (: she is.. dotn even ahev the words to describe how much i think of her.. not just because im in lvoe with her.. but ive always thought she was amazing!! before i even knew her.. ahah.. tha trumpet playing.. BIG TURN ON! ha .. honestly. (:
anyway.. one thing that makes me love her soo much is how she never puts me down ever.. she always believes in me..a nd im a person that sometimes i doubt myself...she reassures me she gives me more confidence.. always telling me i look beautiful even i look like crap.. andi do honestly believe that she actually likes me for my personality in some wayy!! not juts because i have a big butt!.. or bcause im skinny and pretty like guys.. they suck!! shes just awesome.. shes too sweet for anyones good.. and like innocent.. and good .. she sliek the only person i know.. that doesnt do anythign bad.. and thats one of ym favorite things about her!!!!!! (: shes soo cool!!!! and get ready for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she loves music just as much as me.. even more probably!! and shes awesome at it.. one of the things that makes me SUPER proud of her.. is whenever she picks up a song in like 2 seconds on the piano.. thats hott man.. thats my type of girl! (: kristens my type of girl.. the only girl for me!! whenever she does that and everybody starts singing along to what she is playing i feel like screaming and hugging and kissing her from how proud i am of her!!!!!! and tell everbody that shes mine!!.. that.. tahst my baby!!>. the talented one!! there soo juch to say about her shes just awesomee.in general she is just soo perfect.. get ready this is dumb.. her hand.. every single line on her hand.. goes perfectly with her beautiful fingers and her hands are just soo perfect... i can seriously cry fform happinesss about how pretty they are andhow i love them.. and those are the hands i get to hold.. pathetic.. ha.taht topped every weird thign ive ever said i think.. so ill stop. (: the point is
Kristen I love you.
forever
&
ever.
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worst day ever.
Oct. 16th, 2007 | 08:25 pm
location: Home
mood: 
stressed
music: Natalie Imbruglia-Torn
i cant even start to understand how i good day can go so wrong. the day started off fine..Kristen called and woke me up as usual and we talked for a little while and then we hung up and the rest of the day started 2nd period was okay i guess but i was like falling asleep because the videos we were watching on shampooing and scalp treatments were HORRIBLY BORING but anyway.. after the horrid videos we watched ms.butler blow dryy a manicans hair and it came out really good .. we are going to start working on blow drying technique (: so anyway moving on.. that went fine then in 4th period algebra 2 was fine the lessons were easy it was solving systems and inequalities using graphing elimination and substitution .. we had a quiz on that and i got an A .. perfect paper (: i love math!! then lunch was fine.. some guys started bothering in the lunch line and pissed me off .. which was fine. i just wasnt going to stand there though.. i'm monica i WILL say something :D moving on umm 6th period .. I HATE HOFFMANN!! he neevr lets us have our reading time which is required by the school!!! he says that 2 hours of playing is too much and then he never gives us a break...HATE is such a strong word.. its the perfect fit for how i feel about that man. once again moving on after that was over my dad picked me up and here goes the start of what messed up everything that had gone well..as usual he is bitchyy .. he was fine when i gto in the car and i said hi and blah blah blah he asked me where i wanted to eat and i told him mcdonalds.. i thought it was on 87th turns out it was like on 80th or soemthing and there was the first cow he starting having .. "ALL THE WAYY OVER THERE!!" mind you.. my school is on 88th .. i know lets all die because he has to DRIVE .. not walk but DRIVE 8 blocks down. so anyway we got there and he got off with me .. i told him i had money so he wouldn't bite my head offbut he gave me money anyway cus he wnated something too. so i went inside and i order his crspty chicken club or w.e. and a coke .. and then for me 10 chicken mc nuggets and a vanilla iced coffee.. so we were on our wayy... to roxy sinc ei had the 330 to 430 shift for the bake salee okay on the wayy he starts talking about how we don't understand everything him and my mom are doing to pay everything and.. how we ( my brohter and i) just live our own lives and dont care about everything they are doing... so i start thinking omg! here we go.. so of coarse he starts to bring up roxy .. and this month roxy charged over $$400 on his credit card why? because thats the credit card thta is given to roxy o charge for what they need money for .. for my stuff..so he starts talkinng about how they need to ask him before they go and put things on his credit card okay HELLO!!! ... they go and ask my mother which is the one that gets off and talks to the front desk about what has to be paid.. so why do i have o get bitched at..? didnt make sense to me either.. then.. he starts talking about how he is going to get out and he is going go talk to the people at roxy..and as he talks he is driving a million miles per hour.. becausewhen he is bitching he gets all up in a bunch.. and he goes crazyy and that causes NO CONTROL.. and anger.. so that means he drives faster im thinkign thru my head omg.. just get in a car crash already and let me die.. so he can be sorry for bitchign about things that are not as bad as he makes them seem.. adn then since he is going crazy. he brakes.. because of a red light and his coke goes everywhere.. we are at a red light he gets even crazier grabs the cup and throws it..and says to me "only you put the coke there.. so it spills" GOD forbid i put the cup in the CUP HOLDER... so by that time im picking up ice and trying not to cry.. cus whenever he screams at me like that iot scares me to death especially if he was already driving bad.. he starts driving even worse.. and im freaking out.. and then when we get to roxy .. we werent even in front of roxy and i got off the car because i didnt want to be in there anymore.. so i start to take out my food and he goes.. just take it all i dont want it anymore.. i out my things back in and i just take the bag.. my bookbag and my druink and the empty cup.. that spilled... i get out.. he reverses super fast.. and like peels out in the parking lot... he doesnt realize that getting soo worked up about stupid things make other things worse.. who the hell gets mad over havign to drive to mcdonalds..to egt there daughter food because shes going to go sit on her butt on a chair to sell "baked goods" .. i shoudlnt be the one selling.. im the only "child" in that food and wine committee that doesnt have their mom or dad with them helping... then w.e. i walk into roxy and the people at the front desk say "hi monica" and i just put my head down cus i started bawling.. and i went to the bathroom but it was full of st.b people because they are doing a show there so i walked out and i went to a corner.. ad i was crying alot so i called kristen and i talked to her for a while and i wasnt even sure of what to tell her because i didnt know how the hell everything had gone soo wrong soo fast..but i tried. so w.e after i stopped talking to her i had to go sell and my eyes were all puffy and ugly so everybody all of a sudden cared to talk to me.. ugh i hate that soo that was annoying.. and didnt help at all.. umm.. i didnt eat and still havent eaten my food because i totally lost my appetite which sucks because i was sooo HUNGRY.... i think i wll eat soon.. when i was donee i called my brother to pick me up because i didnt even want to see my dads face.. and when he came to pcik me up it was liek 430 cus i wnated to go home and shower.. which is like my 20 minute gettawa where i can cry all i want.. and relax kinda..so anyway he picke dme up and i todl him what had happened and how i didnt want to talk to dad or see his face.. but he told me " you think i want to say hi to dad .. when i see him.. no i dont but i do because i know that if i dont then things get worse for you and mom." so he told me to not let my pride get in the way and just say hi and that he knows its hard because he sometimes lets it happen to him but i just have to learn to not le tit get in the way... because t wont help things so when i got home i said hi .. trying to pretend everything wa okay and of coarse he said hi with a bad attitude.. anyway i got undressed and i went to go get in the shower and he told me to hurry up.. becasue he was cleanign somehting and since i had just started the shower.. to egt the water at the right temperature i just told him to tell me when he was done doing what he was going to do.. so i didnt have to be worrying about when hewas going to start bitchign at me for taking too long..so when he was done doing w.e. he told me and i got in the shower.. turns out yeah i cried alot and let alot out.. but when i got out of the shower i was liek destroyed inside as i got out of the shower..i told mom to not tell dad anything about what happened happen.;. about how i had told her.. s thinsg wouldnt get worse.. then i gto out and i cried a little longer.. but then i started to blow dry .. my hair and sing.. and after a while of singing.. i stopped crying and finished my hari and started to get my clothes and other stff ready to go back to roxy.. when i got to roxy.. i waited liek 5 minutes and kristen got there.. and she made me laugh.. and even though at some points i almost started crying .. she made me laugh and it was all okay.. umm.. the meeting went fine im working happy friday from 4 to 5 and then i ahev technique and then i think ill just hang out.. its cuban night on friday.. anwyay umm whenmy mom went to go pick me up.. she had been crying again.. im sick of seeing ym mom cry.. oh and while my mom was taking em to roxy for my meeting she was telling me that my dad is dealing with all the problems that are going on in the worst way and he is getting to messed up ig uess i could say.. and that she cant take working everyday from 6 to 6 and then coming home to a bitchign husband on top of having to do dishes laundry and cook for him everday.. so she said that we all ned to sit downa nd talk to him to see what he wants to do.. because she rather get up and move into an apartment with her 2 kids than come home to bitchign everyday because she hates it.. so as of right now.. im scared.. f moving but i kinda want them to split up but whne i think about it..l its my parents my parents married 34 years.. they donmt get divorced its not something that they do.. idk its weeird. idk how to feel.. i need a job.. i need to relax.. ugh.. i cant take all fo this anymoree.i think i might shower again... this isnt helping my eating habits. anyway.. thats it.. horrible day the end. ):
Monica
Monica
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Every single dayy more things pile on me.
Oct. 15th, 2007 | 11:23 pm
location: Home
mood: stressed
music: Michael Buble' - Everythingg<33
hmm.. well its kind of like a maze... things are going well for a while but then all of a sudden road block.
its really weird because im soo stressed... i thought i was okay for a while but things feel like they are getting a little too crazy for me..
but the weird thing is that i am soo happy..atleast i thought i really was.. and then i realized that for the most part im just soo overwhelmed and stressed and the only thing that makes me happy is being able to think about kristen or when im with her or talking to her... or just wearing her jacket.. whenever i feel close to her is when i feel okay.. like everything will be alright. shes the only one tjhat takes away the pain.. the funny thing is she probably doesnt even know it. i have so much to worry about my parents being all dramatic everyday its something new.and it usually doesnt help when my dad is drunk everyday from like 630 to like 10 or 11 when he goes to sleep it doesnt make me too thrilled.. and yeah i guess its my fault, letting all their crap get to me but its who i am im not emotionally strong at all and it affects me alot but usually im okay.. but this time its not only that.. its school.. MONEY ..MONEY.. worrying about losing kristen.. making sure that i bust my ass to do things for her.. things that will make her feel special and good... tand last but not least.. my weight which ive become obsessed with since january... i guess ive always wanted to make sure that my body looked good and i was a 110-113 since the summer joe and I broke up... and even though he like always told me i needed to lose weight i didnt care what he said.. but then i started to realize how much weight i had gained.. but it still wasnt enough..so when kristens mom found out about kristen and I the world ended i swear it felt like it had.. and i got really sick with my nerves.. and i didnt eat for a week.,, until i guess i got kind of used to the idea of her mom knowing... but then everybody kept telling me.. oh monica u lost weight it looks good.. and now i weigh 100 and i still dont feel good about how i look..now i get alot of monica youre soo skinny..liek when i went with kristen to vickys house for the 4th of july and lourdes was like "ayy mama youre too skinny" i dont see iti really dont.. to be honest i just want to weigh 92 pounds again. 8 pounds isnt a big deal.. im sure that wont even make a difference in the way i look. so thats not bad. anyway ive also tried just being mroe healthy.. but i guess its gotten a little out of control... but not too much.. its just the stress... when everything gets better i will too (: and everything will be okay but i still want to get to those 92 pounds...i guess the only things that have been scaring me are the "signs of anorexia" ive read.. and how u dont have to be all bones to be anorexic.. i dont think i am.. i know im not doing soo well.. and it could become bad but as of right now im good. its crazy how i think about food 100000000000x times more now than i did before evryday i get home and i take my clothes off and step on the scale.. everyday it varies from 100 to 102.. the weirdest thign about this is that sometimes i eat wayy too much and sometimes i dont eat at all.ill like eat alot and then for the next 3 days ill be dieting.so my weight keeps going up and down.. which ive read isnt too good. if i just got to the weight i want to be at then everything would be back to normal... when i was 113 i wanted to be 100 and i got there (: i can lose 8 more pounds. so anyway..i want a job.. to ahev one less thign to ahve to worry aboutand to be able to help my parents with the bills and stuff and with roxy.. PLUS i want to be able to drive already... everythign would be soo much better i would be able to go see kristen everyday.. id do it.. if i had to work just for the gass money that i would need to get to coral reef every other day and to whereever else she is i would do it.. shes MORE THAN WORTH IT. (: shes my babyy!!! ive never felt like this in my life.. she can say.. "monica" and ill like start crying from how much more that made me lvoe her .. its dumb and pathetic.. but im in love.. (: im very happy to say. she never lets me done. i love her soo much. i seriously do not know what id do without her i sacrifice so much for her and happily.. its weird. (: its lovee[:
Monica